“No sir, you may not have your phone back.”
“Yes, you WILL clean up the mess you have made.”
“No, we will not turn the TV on.”
“I don’t care what everyone else has or what everyone else is doing. You are my child. I’m responsible for you!”
Well, if the news hasn’t surfaced during this award show season, I’ll let you in on a secret….I won! Yes, I have won the award for “Worst Mom Ever!” (voted on by all those under the age of 18 who reside in our home, check the ballots, you may have won at your home too!) The following is my acceptance speech:
“Wow! I am so honored! After all these years of housework, PTO meetings, helping with homework, hosting school parties, doing laundry, cooking dinners, throwing Lunchables in lunch boxes, sitting through frigid cold temps for sporting events hosted on the front lawn of a frozen tundra, sitting through sporting events that seemed to be played on the scorching driveway of the Sun, running a taxi service to every school, church, sporting, or personal event, I have now gotten an award! I am so beyond thrilled!
I’d first like to thank God, for without Him, I would not even be a mom. He knows the years I cried and prayed and waited, somewhat patiently at times, for a child to hold. He held me ‘then’, because He could see ‘now’. Back then, when He held me close, He could already see me saying prayers with you, for you, and over you . He could already see the fussing and fighting that would drive me crazy and running back to Him for sanity. He could already hear the giggles from us just being silly and loving doing life together. He saw me by your bedside whispering prayers to Him for wisdom in doing this, the hardest job on the planet.
Yes, definitely without God, there is no way I could have ever won this award. It is He that drives me to make many of the decisions I make for the two of you. Things like, what you’re allowed to watch on television, what you’re allowed to listen to, but also making sure that you know every good and perfect gift comes from our Father above. Teaching you to love people, even if they don’t treat you kindly, you love them anyway. Teaching you that you can disagree with someone and still be a friend. Teaching you that everything we do in life should bring honor and glory to Jesus’ name. And teaching you that Jesus loves you. Regardless. Without end.
Next, I would love to thank my husband, Jason. He’s our family’s daddy and he does a wonderful job at it! He not
only talks the talk in front of you, he walks the walk. I’d like to thank him for being ‘slightly’ scarier than me, so I can always threaten with the words, ‘Go to your room and wait for your dad to get home!’ He wakes up in the mornings with a chipper attitude and makes breakfast many mornings for all of us sleepy heads. He taken you out for breakfast every single Friday morning of the school year. He gets to experience in those 30 minutes what I’m allowed to experience every afternoon and evening that he is away. 🙂 He’s the best of the best, when I’m the worst of the worst! We’re a great team!
Lastly, I would like to thank my children, for without you, no votes would have been cast for me to receive this prestigious award. If you had never been disobedient, then you would never know the magic of the Magic Eraser for walls or that your ear really won’t fall off when I take you by it and lead you to a public restroom to have a come-to-Jesus meeting. If you had never said some of the things you have said, you would have grown up not knowing what soap taste like. If you had not smeared Nutella into shag carpet, you wouldn’t know the proper way of cleaning carpets. If you had never slammed a door, you may never have learned the proper way of closing one. If you had not tried to watch TV shows that you shouldn’t, you would never have known that the new fancy TVs have parental locks. If you had never talked back for the umpteenth time, you may never have known that a ping pong paddle can be used for more than playing a game or a wooden spoon for more than the kitchen. If you had never disobeyed, you would never have learned the pain remorse brings, but you also would never have known the freedom that forgiveness brings. Oh my yes, precious children, without you two, I never would have received the ‘Worse Mom Ever’ award! Thank you! Thank you!
In closing, I just want you to know that with God guiding me, your daddy beside me, I will work hard to carry on the tradition of winning this award. If me being the ‘Worst Mom Ever’ makes you into the best people you can be, makes you into loving adults that love Jesus with all your hearts, souls, minds, and strength, makes you into young adults that won’t bring glory to yourself, but will always gladly point it to our Father above, oh, yes! By all means then I’ll gladly accept every single time! I love you that much!”